Ways to Feel a Little Better or a Little More Peaceful

The other day my mom said she recently had a conversation with a life coach about the intentions she wanted to set for February. My mom said that she was hoping to do more things out of place of peace. And the life coach gently asked her about what practical steps she could take to make that happen — like lighting a candle or using a particular essential oil or journaling. So as my mom was thinking this over in the following days, she asked me the same question, “How do you feel more peaceful?” I rattled off a dozen things just off the top of my head. “Wow, you have a lot of options!” my mom said.

I do! But I will admit that sometimes in the midst of having a hard time, I don’t always remember them. So I thought I’d write down my list for myself and anyone else who wanted to be reminded of the little things we can do to feel a little better, or a little more peaceful. I know some people love candles and essential oils or funny videos that make them laugh. While I love those things too, I usually do better not reaching for my phone, my kids cannot be trusted around a candle, and I never actually used for lavender essential oils as stress relief, although perhaps I should.

But there are plenty of things that I do actually do, although certainly not all of them at one time. And it’s nice to make a list, or a “menu” as the life coach put it, of things to choose from. Perhaps you too can make a menu of what has and might work for you!

Immediate Options

• Take a deep breath (or physiological sigh).
• Drink a glass of water (with electrolytes).
• Go outside (or open a window curtain).
• Say a quick “arrow prayer” like (Help Me Jesus!).
• Get a 20 second hug.
• Count to 100 slowly (most emotional waves only last 90 seconds).
• Brush & Floss my teeth.
• Chew a piece of gum.

Ask Myself the Following Questions

• Do I need to go to the bathroom? (Then go to the bathroom!)
• Do I have a headache? (Then go take some medicine for a headache!) I am I hot or cold? (Change clothes!)
• Am I H.A.L.T?: I am Hungry? (Then go have a high protein snack!) Am I Angry? (Can I do something to resolve it? If not, go on a walk!) Am I Lonely? (Call a friend!) Am I Tired? (Go take a power nap!)
• Am I feeling overwhelmed? Can I take 90 seconds to check or take some things off my check-list for today, ask for help, or more time? (Then do it!)
• Can I tell someone I live with that I am not feeling great? (Ask him or her to talk, or for a time later to talk about it.)

5 to 10 Minute Options

• Take a quick walk outside around the block (if it’s truly terrible outside dance!).
• Take a shower and put on clean, comfortable clothes.
• Read a chapter of a current or beloved fiction book.
• Lay down, close my eyes and do some resonant breathing (5 seconds in, 5 seconds out) & the Jesus Prayer (“Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner”).
• Listen to my favorite music that makes me feel safe (like what I loved when I was 15).
• Listen to a devotional/prayer app (Lectio 365, Pray as You Go, Daily Office).
• Make myself a cup of decaf tea or bone broth.
• Text a friend something encouraging, a reminder that I love them and am thinking of them (or ask for prayer or encouragement for myself).

20 to 60 minute options

• A longer walk (or if it’s truly terrible outside an indoor walking DVD).
• Call, write a physical note, or leave a friend a message (like on Marco Polo).
• Read (or listen to) a couple of chapters of a current or beloved fiction book with a cup of decaf tea, a blanket, and favorite music.
• Do 20 minutes of resonant breathing (5 seconds, in 5 seconds out) & the Jesus Prayer
• Play a card game or snuggle with one of my kids.
• Put a show on for the kids and talk to my spouse uninterrupted about what’s going on (even if I don’t know why I am feeling off).
• Do something nice for someone else (A random act of kindness).
• Organize something (clean out a drawer or purse, change my sheets and make my bed).
• Do a little yoga.

Before Bed Suggestions

• Check the calendar so I am not surprised by what’s coming the next few days, and make sure I have enough food in the fridge and a general plan for my next 6 meals.
• Have a robust, healthy dinner with plenty of protein, veggies, and complex carbs (but no alcohol) preferably 2 hours or earlier before bedtime (and no screens an hour before bed!)
• Take some vitamin C and some magnesium.
• Take a warm bath.
• Make the house (or my room) dark, quiet, and cool (use a warm low light to read a current or beloved fiction book).
• Do some nighttime breathing exercises (4/7/8 breath, slowed 30 second bilateral tapping).
• Go to bed 20 minutes earlier.

Longer-Term Self Care that Week

• Schedule a doctors/therapist appointment.
• Stick to a bedtime (within 20 minutes) for a week (preferably 9 hours before I need to wake up).
• Get outside every day.
• Get 10k steps (personally I feel best when I’m getting 15k steps a day).
• Focus on every meal having at least 30 grams of protein and 8 grams of fiber from whole foods.
• Have a weekly time of planned social connection (church, small group, bible study, board game group, book club, walking or coffee date, standing phone date).
• Find regular (daily-ish) practices that feed my soul (gratitude journaling, 20 minutes of meditation, daily devotionals or morning prayer, nightly examine prayers).
• Find regular (enjoyable!) practices that strengthen my muscles (weight lifting, exercise bands, yoga, body movement like Ttapp, Pilates, or Classic Stretch ).

Books to Read

• Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode–and into a Life of Connection and Joy by Aundi Kolber
• The Anatomy of Anxiety: Understanding and Overcoming the Body’s Fear Response by Ellen Vora
• Sacred Rhythms: Arranging Our Lives for Spiritual Transformation by Ruth Haley Barton
• The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry: How to Stay Emotionally Healthy and Spiritually Alive in the Chaos of the Modern World by John Mark Comer
• Paradox Lost: Uncovering the True Identity in Christ by Catherine Skurja
• Prayer our Deepest Longing by Ronald Rolheiser
• Anatomy of the Soul: Surprising Connections between Neuroscience and Spiritual Practices That Can Transform Your Life and Relationships by Curt Thompson
• Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art by James Nestor
• Move Your DNA: Restore Your Health Through Natural Movement by Katy Bowman
• Paleo Approach: Reverse Autoimmune Disease Heal Your Body by Sarah Ballantyne
• Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World by Cal Newport

What are ways that help you feel a little bit better?