I love to remember a romantic anniversary. All spring I’ll give my husband Evan a running tally of our anniversaries: late February was 16 years since our first awkward date to see the play The Good Person of Szechwan, early March was 16 years since I asked you to drive me to an Ash Wednesday service (our second date?), early April was 16 years since we had an RDT (relationship defining talk) and started officially dating. I could go on (and I do!): the anniversary of our first kiss, the anniversary of saying I love you, the anniversary of the graduation morning talk about how we weren’t going to start talking about marriage…yet.
So, it’s not a big surprise that I do love our actual wedding anniversary in late May. We had been planning for this one, a big one (15 years!), for a while.
We had decided that when Lily turned 4 this spring, she’d be old enough for us to go away by ourselves for our anniversary. In the Fall we asked my mom to come and watch the kids on our anniversary, our actual anniversary in the middle of the week, on a Thursday. I thought about it and decided going away on the actual day was important to me.
But then a few weeks before our trip, when the Airbnb had been booked, Evan had gotten a substitute teacher for his classes, and the kids were pumped up for special time with grandma, we found out that she couldn’t come. We were sad. That is to say everyone was bummed, and I was very upset. But we regrouped. We were able to make a new date later in the summer when my mom could come and we could go on the trip in August.
But I knew myself, and I knew that if we didn’t do something to celebrate the actual day, even with the trip to look forward to later, I’d be sad. So since we already had everything booked, I suggested we just go and bring the kids. And then a few days before our actual anniversary, all four of us got sick. Just regular colds, but all four of us were sneezing and sniffling and generally felt crummy. It also happened to be rather on the chilly side for late May and pouring down rain. But, we still went.
The kids were so excited. We baked special chocolate chip cookies that afternoon. We bought a pint of organic blueberries. We defrosted the extra Easter quiche that we ended up freezing when we all woke up sick on Easter morning and couldn’t go see Evan’s cousins. It was a symbol of how many best laid plans get canceled and rescheduled, but not lost.
The kids loved the little cottage by Lake Michigan. They explored each room, carefully looking at the tiny forest decorations, delighting over the big bed they’d get to share in their own room.
And even though we were sick, and even though it wasn’t what we had planned, it was sweet. I can clearly picture myself sitting at the table looking at my family and feeling deeply grateful. Grateful for them, for this time, for the chance to do something to celebrate.
Plus everyone loved the cookies. They were really good.
We mostly did regular life, like getting the kids to eat their dinner, reading them books (McDuff by Rosemary Wells!), bathing them, wiping their noses, and putting them to bed. But in the morning we played a little Uno on a fancy coffee table and drank our coffee and ate some more chocolate chip cookies.
The weather had cleared up, and we walked down the lane to Lake Michigan.
And then we went to one of our favorite state parks, Kolher Andre, and walked the dune board walk and the sunny beach.
We grabbed some Jimmy John’s gargantuan unwiches and went home to watch Encanto.
There were some really beautiful moments in our day. And there were some really real moments in our day, like when the kids didn’t nap and Lily had one of her really terrible tantrums before dinner. Only now, months later, are we starting to grasp how to make sure Lily is set up to sleep enough so that these do not need to be a regular part of our lives. And a dear, dear family friend had called me that morning to tell me about the blood results that said cancer.
But now months later, she had the surgery, and it turned out it’s not cancer. Benign tumors. Praise the Lord!
But now, my Dad needs surgery next month. Hopefully small, hopefully easy, and hopefully going to help him feel a lot better. But that means we aren’t going to see either of my parents this summer. And that means that we had to cancel another set of reservations for our August trip. And right now we don’t have another anniversary trip planned. Maybe we’ll get to do it in the Fall, or maybe it’ll have to wait until next year.
So I’m so glad that we went away for our anniversary. Even though we were sick. Even though the weather wasn’t great. Even though much of it wasn’t the way we had planned.
I was talking with a new friend this spring, a mom from Jackson’s soccer team, and she was telling me about their recent anniversary trips that got moved and rescheduled and then canceled too because of covid. Then I caught up with a college friend who went away for an anniversary trip last year and things with the childcare went really poorly, and it’s still causing relational stress nearly 9 months later. And I realized that so many people have had this experience recently. We all post shiny pictures to celebrate our anniversary trips, but then don’t mention how we feel bad about all the messy behind the scenes bits of life that make it challenging, or less than ideal, or just plain hard. Hearing about the real life trips of my friends made me feel less alone, less sorry for myself. Sure, this trip wasn’t everything I wanted it to be, but that’s just sometimes how it goes. For everyone.
Because of course people being sick, and plans changing, and child care falling through, but going anyway–that’s real life. That’s life with little kids. If you waited for everything to fall into place, you’d miss out on a lot of beautiful moments in between the hard ones. So I’m grateful for the chance to celebrate 15 years of marriage. I’m grateful for our rowdy, funny, sick kids. I’m grateful for my kind and dedicated husband who let me go to bed first and read in the kids’ room until they fell asleep. I’m grateful that for the sweet little cottage by the lake that helped us take a day to appreciate and celebrate and mark the day. And I’m looking forward to trips in the future where we will laugh and remember this trip with a wistful shake of the head.
Happy 15 years to us!
Past Anniversary Posts
- The Beginning of Our Story: In Honor of Anniversary Weekend
- For Our Eight Year Anniversary: The Four Loves & Forty Pictures from our Wedding Day
- A Season of Tenderness: A Post for Our 9th Anniversary–Reflections on Marriage and Early Parenting
- Wine Country: An Anniversary Trip
- 12 Awesome Date Night Movies : An Anniversary Post
- Cheers to Thirteen Years! An Anniversary Toast